A mate I used to drive with was a mean sod.  He was sitting in front of the telly one night, with his wife, when he stood up suddenly and said, "Get yer coat, I'm going to the pub".  When she said, "Ooh, are you taking me out".  He said, "No, but I'll be turning the heating off".

Mind you, he wasn't as bad as a bloke I used to play golf with.  We were on the seventeenth of our local course one day when a funeral went past on an adjacent road.  He stood up straight and took his cap off.  When I commented that I didn't know he had religious feelings.  He said, "I don't, but she was good with the kids".