An envelope dropped through our letterbox today and I could see, as it lay on the door mat, the words 'Do Not Bend' were written on it.  It took me half an hour to work out how to pick the bloody thing up.

The Lone Ranger road into town with his faithful companion, Tonto.  The masked man made for the nearest bar but Tonto, a tea-totaller, refused to go inside and waited in the street instead, jogging up and down to keep warm.  After a short while an old timer enterred the bar and said, "Is the Lone Ranger here?" When the Lone Ranger raised his hand, the old timer said, "You've left your injun running".