I wasn't driving trucks to the Middle East in the 1970s but I've met thousands who were.

Two comedians are talking. One says, "Do you think you could make people laugh by simply telling them what trucks are for"?
"Well, yeah", the other one says, "it's all about delivery".

A drummer is fed up with being labelled as not a proper musician and goes into a music shop determined to buy some new instruments to learn. "I'll take the saxophone and the xylophone, please", he says to the man behind the counter. "You're a drummer", the man says. "How did you know"? The drummer asks. "Well" the man says, "you can have the fire extinguisher, but the radiator's staying on the wall where it belongs".

The other day I was walking back to my cab across a lorry park when I saw a driver bent over and shouting at the underside of his trailer. "There's a bloke I know who says soon trailers won't need legs", he was saying. "You all right", I asked. "Aye", he said, "just winding me legs up".

Two monkeys are in the bath. One says, "o-o  a-a-a  o-o  a-a". The other says, "well, put some cold in".

Lady goes to the dentist. She's a bit nervous and says, 'I don't know what I'd rather have, a tooth out or a baby'. The dentist says, 'Well make your mind up I've got to adjust the chair'.

One day, Mrs Mandela received a parcel, 'Have you orderred a Primera front offside wing', she asks Nelson. The next day a headlamp for a Patrol arrives. 'Have you asked for this', she asks? Finally, a rear light cluster arrives for a 260Z. They look closely at the address, Nissan Main Dealer, it says.

He would have laughed, I hope. Nelson Mandela, statesman, humanist, RIP.

Why do sub-aqua divers always fall backwards out of their dive boat, when enterring the water?
Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat.