A drummer is fed up with being labelled as not a proper musician and goes into a music shop determined to buy some new instruments to learn. "I'll take the saxophone and the xylophone, please", he says to the man behind the counter. "You're a drummer", the man says. "How did you know"? The drummer asks. "Well" the man says, "you can have the fire extinguisher, but the radiator's staying on the wall where it belongs".

The other day I was walking back to my cab across a lorry park when I saw a driver bent over and shouting at the underside of his trailer. "There's a bloke I know who says soon trailers won't need legs", he was saying. "You all right", I asked. "Aye", he said, "just winding me legs up".