Years ago, in the days of VHS tapes, I bought a porno film from a market stall in a town near where I live.  I should have listened to all the advice about not buying videos from market stalls, because when I got it home the tape was blank - there absolutely was nothing on it. I was really disappointed; the title, Head Cleaner, looked so promising. 

I was asked by a shipping agent, who was working for a restaurant chain, to travel all over Europe collecting consignments of sugar, eggs, sweetened condensed milk, evaporated milk and vanilla. When he had finished giving me the routing instructions I said, "I love it when a flan comes together".

A transport manager told me recently of an annual appraisal interview with a driver on his fleet.  Having been on a management course, and therefore in keeping with modern methods and managerial philosophy, the manager asked the driver if he was able to show something of his feminine side.  The driver thought for a moment and said, "If I don`t get what I want, your life is going to be f...... hell".

Haynes Publishing Company

It is not necessarily surprising that Haynes, the motor books publisher, has a factory and motor museum on one of the busiests roads in the country (A303).  But that they are in Sparkford on the river Cam?  Wow.

I have been doing some unusual jobs of late and none stranger than delivering replica animals, species both living and extinct, to the Continent from a factory in the Midlands. One of the blokes came out of the factory today to help me lift some heavy bits of a life-size model dinosaur on to my trailer.  His name was Ab.  I said, "Hi-Ab".

We got the head and neck on OK but it was the rear bit we struggled with.  Ab said we needed a tail-lift.

Ab said the wetland bird displays were the easiest to load because they came with cranes.