A lady knocked on our door the other day and told me that she'd walked past our house, on her way to the shops,  and our dog went for her. "I don't believe you", I said. "We've had him six years and he's never been to the shops for us".

My truck was stuck blocking the whole street, much to the annoyance of local traders. The chef from a Chinese takeaway appeared from one side waving a large frying pan. A chip shop owner came from the opposite side brandishing a frozen fish as if it were a weapon. And there I was, caught between a wok and a hard plaice.