The wife usually tolerates me talking to my motorcycle. The only time she shows any sign of annoyance is when we arrive home after being away and I rush into the garage and yell, "Honey, I'm home".

Our Jack often tries to speak to Fluffy, the rabbit. I keep telling him that rabbits have limited intellegence, no ability to speak and just want to eat.  But he just barks and goes off to his bed.

When my wife suddenly went into labour, I got on to the ambulance service straight away. The operator said, "Is this her first child?" I said, "No, it's her husband".

CPC, DSA, OEM. Each one is a TLA (three letter abbreviation)

Trucks, like all vehicles, are not fixed to the road. Tyres drift all the time, although mostly by a very small amount. When cornering, for example, there's a difference between the direction a wheel is pointing and the direction it is travelling.

Who are the world's largest manufacturers of tyres? In 2nd place is Michelin, producing170 million units a year, but Lego is number one with 320 million. Toy tyres are still tyres (i newspaper 15.10.2015)

I don't think I'll bother buying a calendar for next year. Let's face it, their days are numbered.

Diamonds are made of graphite, the same material as pencil lead

My wife and I can never agree on what I should have in my truck's sleeper cab. She likes bright coloured curtains, I like a blonde called Sandra.

Women are funny things. When I returned recently from a couple of days away my wife got really annoyed. How would you like it, she said, if she simply disappeared for a couple of days. I obviously gave the wrong answer, because, sure enough,  I didn't see her for two whole days. And even then it was only out of my left eye, the right one was still far too swollen.

I spend as much time fiddling with the settings of my new car, as I do driving it. But beyond reliability it's only the satnav that makes any REAL difference between it and the cars I had in the 1970s. In this way modern cars are as much a passtime as the old ones, yet its the old ones that are sort after as a passtime.

I used the self service airline at my local fuel station today. It's now 40p; it was 20p. Well, I suppose that's inflation for you.

Forget 3D printing and injection moulded plastics, my mate's a farmer and reckons he's growing organic, sustainable car parts. According to him it's really going well and this year's been a bumper crop.

A 1kg lump of plasticine travelling at 100 metres per second (over 200mph)  has the same momentum as a 100kg lump travelling at 1 metre per second (2 mph).

But if you were to collide, the latter would give you a nasty bruise while the former would probably rip you to pieces. 

I went to the circus the other other day. I didn't half get some funny looks from the clowns.

There was a women swinging to and fro on this enormous swing attached way up high in the big top. She was doing all sorts of tricks, even hanging from it by her feet. When she came down I asked her how she summoned up the courage. "Medication" she said. "I'm on trapezium"