My wife has just asked me to pull the curtains. I turned to the curtains and said, 'Hey, curtains, what are you doing later'?

A mate of mine tipped over a trailer load of toilet tissue on roundabout. He was known as 'bog-roller' from then on.

He said it was for the best as the roundabout was s**t.

I have a mental blockage when it comes to the alphabet, I can't imagine why.

A rapidly balding friend recently asked me if he should wear a wig. I said yes, but keep it under your hat.

A driver I know who's from Wales loves to sing Mandy and Copacabana at karaoke nights. He drives for a heavy haulage company. He calls himself, Barryman Alowloader

Two cannibals are tucking into a comedian. One turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you".

A young lad arrives home after being out to play. He's got two chairs and a sofa that a man has given him. "I thought I told you not to accept suites from strangers", his dad says.