This private funding initiative for roads is a bit strange.  Just round the corner from us there's a hill for sale.  We're thinking about it, but it's a bit steep.

There's a bit of small print on the bottom of the advert that reminds any prospective buyer that it could go up as well as down.

I'd been trying to master mental arithmetic for years.  I kept practising, subtracting 33 from 3 times 11, or adding 3 to minus 3.  In the end it all came to nothing.

I went into a burger restaurant the other day and ordered a meal.  The girl behind the counter asked me if I wished to, "Go large".  I said, "Well, a little larger than when I came in, of course".


I`m sitting in a layby spending my 45 minutes having a go at the crossword.

1 across:  To egg on. (5)   I think I know the answer, Toast.

Talking of crossword jokes:  Clue, Overworked postman.  How many letters?  Hundreds of the little buggers.

My wife went into our local butcher the other week and asked if it was a goat`s head he had in the window.  "No", he said, "It`s a mirror".

My wife asked me if I would still love her if I won the lottery.  Of course I would, I told her, "I`d miss you but I`d still love you".

Frank Carson RIP